Beating like a hammer.

Well, the first week of the new semester is nearly over. So far, I feel like it's going to be a good semester. All of my professors are awesome and down to earth. Although, it was funny, the first day of government I was a bit nervous because the professor was extremely quiet before class started and had an unpleasant expression on his face. But, when he started class, he was an entire different person. Very interesting semester ahead for this government class.

I found out that the computer science class that I am in is no longer required. I am a bit irritated, but then again, it's an easy A to help my gpa. I don't know, I feel bad, though, for having it payed for. I am weird about that stuff. The books were not exactly cheap, either. Ugh. I swear, text books should not be so expensive, do they think college kids are made of money? Just sayin'. However, I got my history book used off Amazon for $5.99. Niiiice.

I am also looking forward to my photography class. My professor is extremely nice and she's young, so she won't be old and boring and make the class a drag. It will be modern. We are also in a brand new Mac lab, in front of beautiful iMacs. Awesome. We bring our cameras for the first time tomorrow. So stoked.

Today it was 75 degrees. I was astounded. Granted, it was because it had rained and it was cloudy, but it was so fantastic. I can't wait for autumn. My favorite season. I love the feeling of it. I love Halloween. Oh my gosh, I am so excited. I feel so much more relaxed in autumn because I am not constantly irritated by disgusting heat and humidity. Gives life a bit of a positive outlook. Also, it means it is closer to the holiday season. :]

Work was atrocious. I was called in because my manager was ill and she said she would take my Friday shift, so I agreed. But, oh my goodness. It was busy and crazy and I was flustered and confused and thought I was going insane. There were some serious odd ball situations tonight. First, the register wasn't printing receipts because I am stupid and replaced the paper in it backwards, and this customer REALLY wanted their receipt. So I frantically called people trying to figure out what to do to see if I could go back to a previous transaction. Finally, I figured something out, after making many people wait. If that wasn't enough, this person wanted to buy something for a non-profit organization and so they don't get charged tax. I had no idea this existed. I had no idea what to do. I frantically called people again, and in the end, the people left and decided they would just come back some other time. Again, I was keeping people waiting. Why in the world was Collin Creek mall busy on a Wednesday? Ugh, I am just happy it is over. And no work 'til next Monday. :>

He's been texting me like he used to. I'm having flashbacks of sitting in AP Art, texting him the entire class. And when I got home from school. All the time. I am so extremely happy about it. I really don't think he realizes how something as simple as a text message conversation can make my day. I just hope it continues. ♥



I still wonder why people like me so much.







Everybody, everybody just wanna fall in love.

Hmm.

Well, another semester starts tomorrow.

I am happy to leave this summer behind. It sucked. Going to start a new era.

I am going to change things about myself, too.

Things are going to be different.

For the better.

Sugarcane in the easy morning.

I have seen movies lately! I like, never go to the movies. This is awesome. I have spent so much money lately, haha. I deserve to have a bit of fun, summer school and work kicked my butt for the past month. This is my last week of awesome.

I saw Inception last Saturday. So incredibly mind blown that I wanted to see it again, so I did! I saw it again in IMAX on Monday. My gosh, it is creative. Love it. I also saw Scott Pilgrim vs. The World tonight! It was hilariously epic. Would see again.

POSITIVE ENTRY, PERTAIN AS TO LOOK REPEATEDLY.


Tomorrow is going to be eventful as well. Actually, it will be eventful starting around 1:30, when I get off work, haa. Going to go to lunch with my dad, I think, then.. nothing. Then at 7 I am going ice blocking*! And thennn after that, I am going to Buffalo Wild Wings. Exciting stuff. It will be fun to see how it all works out. Man, I sure do dread going to work, though. I haven't worked since last Friday.

*Ice blocking: Basically, you take a giant block of ice, sit on it, and ride it down a hill. Extremely fun.


I'm not sure what else to say.

I am sorry I piss you off so much. I seriously don't mean to. And when I do, I sulk. A lot.

I should learn from Scott Pilgrim! It was hilarious when he had to battle himself. It was exactly like Shadow Link. He was grey with red eyes. I'd like to make myself think that that was indeed another Zelda reference, among others in the film. Fantastic.





And then she said she can't believe,
that genius only comes along in storms of fable, foreign tongues.

Abstract Expressionism

I repeatedly stay up too late and repeatedly feel like crap the next day. But, it's always worth it at the time. If I'm up that late, it means there's someone worth talking to. Those people know who I'm talking about.

I tweeted the other day about how I listen to way too much Owl City and Panic At The Disco than is healthy for a person. I find an escape in them. They hold so, so many memories.

What if I think about the past too much? I hear that if you dwell on the past, you'll never move forward in the future. Maybe I think about the past because I am too afraid to think about the future. The unknown. It was never so unknown before. I mean, in 11th grade I didn't mind think of the future as a bad thing. The future meant senior year, an awesome art class, getting in the high orchestra, the best year ever with all of my friends. It was certain. I knew where I was going to be. I knew what I was going to be doing (for the most part).

But, when I think about the future now, all I see is a blur of grey. Uncertainty. I don't know my major. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know exactly what friends will be there (though, I have a few in mind of who I'd like to be there).

Well, maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way. Because, isn't it all supposed to be a big, great adventure? I mean, some people love not knowing what the future holds. I used to be like that, but I'm not feel as optimistic this afternoon.

I think getting me to move on from the past is going to be like ripping a beloved doll out of a child's arms. Odd analogy, but that's what it's going to be like.

So, that's why I hide in Owl City and Panic At The Disco. It's a safe house. As much as new music makes me happy and as much as I enjoy it, at the end of the day I will always turn back to those two groups. Always.

I am still such a teenager, aren't I?

I miss that being an excuse for me stupidity and whiny posts. Er, technically I still am a teenager, but too close to not being one anymore.




We got older,
and I should have known,
that I feel colder when I walk alone.

We're still so young, desperate for attention.

Things are never going to be the same, are they?
They are deemed to be different, forever.
And there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.


Did you know that..
when you kick me out (for lack of a better term),
it really really really really bothers me?



I really lost it on the way home tonight.
Screw controlling emotions.
I lost it.

Nothing is ever going to be the same.
You're never going to be as kind to me as you were before.
We are never going to have those same times.

..I miss them more than words could ever express.
Because this time,
I don't think there's hope that they'll come back.

What is it about that camp out in '08 that strikes me memory so strongly?
Why do I constantly think about it?

I have a yearning for it.
I am still trying to figure out why.


We went swimming when the sun was coming up.
We had all stayed up all night.
We were all exhausted, but went swimming anyway.
We saw some trees in the distance,
and our tired minds had us convinced that we could swim far enough to reach them.
So we tried,
and soon figured out that there were extremely too far.
We got tired, so we swam back.
I supported your weight in an innertube.
I pulled you all the way back to shore,
because for some reason or another, you stopped swimming.

Is that supposed to be symbolic?
You give up, and I keep carrying you along.
Is it a lost cause?
Should I stop trying?

I asked you why you still hung out with me all these years,
after everything.
I asked why, after saying that it could have been all my pestering to see you.
He answered, "It seemed like a good idea."

I know he never means what he says.
I know there's something else floating around in his mind.

There have been so many unspoken words.




We are so screwed up.
Maybe that's why we stay together.






That's when you st-st-stutter something profound
To the support on the line,
And with the way you've been talking,
Every word gets you a step closer to hell.

I haven't written in a while.


Life is stressful.

That is all.