Abstract Expressionism

I repeatedly stay up too late and repeatedly feel like crap the next day. But, it's always worth it at the time. If I'm up that late, it means there's someone worth talking to. Those people know who I'm talking about.

I tweeted the other day about how I listen to way too much Owl City and Panic At The Disco than is healthy for a person. I find an escape in them. They hold so, so many memories.

What if I think about the past too much? I hear that if you dwell on the past, you'll never move forward in the future. Maybe I think about the past because I am too afraid to think about the future. The unknown. It was never so unknown before. I mean, in 11th grade I didn't mind think of the future as a bad thing. The future meant senior year, an awesome art class, getting in the high orchestra, the best year ever with all of my friends. It was certain. I knew where I was going to be. I knew what I was going to be doing (for the most part).

But, when I think about the future now, all I see is a blur of grey. Uncertainty. I don't know my major. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know exactly what friends will be there (though, I have a few in mind of who I'd like to be there).

Well, maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way. Because, isn't it all supposed to be a big, great adventure? I mean, some people love not knowing what the future holds. I used to be like that, but I'm not feel as optimistic this afternoon.

I think getting me to move on from the past is going to be like ripping a beloved doll out of a child's arms. Odd analogy, but that's what it's going to be like.

So, that's why I hide in Owl City and Panic At The Disco. It's a safe house. As much as new music makes me happy and as much as I enjoy it, at the end of the day I will always turn back to those two groups. Always.

I am still such a teenager, aren't I?

I miss that being an excuse for me stupidity and whiny posts. Er, technically I still am a teenager, but too close to not being one anymore.




We got older,
and I should have known,
that I feel colder when I walk alone.